Five Impressive Things

What are the things I can say I’ve done to impress you, dear website user? Well, here’s five slightly impressive ones.

I was in Skyfall

In my wilderness years between standup comedy and motion graphics I found myself doing things I’m not proud of, sometimes I’d turn tricks doing PowerPoint by the canal or in this case sign up to an extras agency, I only did a couple of jobs, one was the latest Bond film and by chance I’m quite visible in the scene where Q gets hacked and I have to look shocked.

Kevin McCloud was my dad

In 2008 I wrote a radio comedy play for Radio 4 – it was due to be based on my 2006 Edinburgh show, Pulp Boy (about a boy who only spoke in Pulp lyrics) but relatively last minute changes needed a brand new story so I wrote about daddy issues and tried to work out who would be a better dad for me than my own. I chose Kevin McCloud. By chance the then head of comedy went to uni with him and asked if he’d be in the play, he said he would and so for an hour or so over the phone Kevin Grand Designed his way into my family.

Barack Obama follows me on Twitter

Obviously this could change at any moment but for reasons I can’t entirely remember Mr President Number 44 follows little old me. I think it was some early twitter follow me and I’ll follow you when he wasn’t as famous as he is now (but still quite). I’ve never DMed him, and nor he me.

I was a celebrity on telly, once

I have no proof of this so you’ll have to take my word for it, but once in the heady comedy success days of 2008 I was on Sky Poker, as a celebrity. I was whisked in a cab to west London, makeup was applied and I had to play online poker on telly whilst Sky Poker players at home tried to beat me to get a big prize. Annoyingly I don’t know how to play poker but for about two hours I was on a mega winning streak until I bet it all against some spotty internet nerd and lost. I was never asked back.

I’ve been on a record

Bona fide this one, except I’m not entirely sure it was released on vinyl. I’ve definitely been on an mp3. I was asked to voice a story for Helen Arney’s ‘It’s Going To Be An Awkward Christmas, Darling’ album and then that track got played on 6music, so I’m basically Coldplay.